The Celeb Fuck-Up Award of the Day goes to this charming young musician:







Oh Amy Winehouse, why can't you get your shit together?

Her publicist has named the disease on her face, "Impetigo". I call it "Being Crack's Bitch".

OH GOD, I just had a thought....I'm going to be in London from Wednesday to Friday.....Amy Wino lives in London, where she is currently spreading her disease. I pray that I don't catch this....that would totally ruin my vacay.

Hi! It's been awhile

For those of you who are not in the know, I moved to England in January of this year to start law school....basically, 2 long-time dreams finally happened for me and I couldn't be happier. I'm here for two years in a small town called Buckingham (an hour north of London), and I'm half an hour away from Oxford and very close to Cambridge.

I guess I'm writing on here again because things are happening to me that are actually worth writing about. I think one major difference I'm still adjusting to is the weather - it's ridiculous how mild it is up here compared to the shit storm happening back home. The trees are blooming and there are ducks everywhere happily squaking away, and I can wear flat shoes without worrying about stepping into one hundred feet of snow. Oh and speaking of THAT - it snowed on one day in January....for five minutes. I love it.

Anyhoo, I'm coming home for a brief two week visit on March 21st....so I can't wait to catch up with everyone! There will be more stories coming; they will cover controversial topics such as a heinous Bermudian proposing marriage to me on a daily basis, unwillingly being sucked into a police investigation, my addiction to tea and various other shenanigans I've involved myself in.

Signing off for now - have a great day!

So I haven't felt compelled to update this thing in over a year because frankly, I didn't think I had anything witty or remotely interesting to say. However, after visiting my past today, my rage has been re-ignited and I need to vent out my frustrations in the form of a journal entry.

This morning I had to suck up my pride and take a trip to my former wretched high school where I hated 90% of the population during my tenure as a student. Why you ask? I'm applying to law school and needed my former guidance counselor to act as a verifier for my application. Well, the school has changed drastically since I left and to make a long story short, it's a fucking confusing maze at the moment. It currently looks like a scene out of "The Jetsons"; however, during my 5 years there it basically looked like a slumhole. But, I digress....while trying to find the new guidance office I made the mistake of asking a jock where it was. He replied, "Uhhhh....(pointing)there's the office over there." He was pointing to the main office. I then told him, "Um no, that's the main office, not the guidance office." The cheesehead then had the balls to say, "Well, that's the office, so deal with it." What a FUCKING tool. I thought this type of attitude only existed in Toronto. I was this close to telling him to eat my ass, when one of my former math teachers walked up and saved me from further embarrassment.

The moral of the story? Highschool kids are still pieces of shit. I hope that guy has the good sense to sterilize himself, as it would be a travesty if he decided to procreate. Douche.

Two of my heroes, Chaka Khan and Carlton from Fresh Prince, singing a duet on "Celebrity Duets". Even the way he introduces her is so Carlton.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsQEy54O5FQ

Reasons why I love the Star Jones-Reynolds fiasco:

1. I LOVE to hate Star Jones. Girlfriend is practically begging for massive amounts of hate to be lavished upon her

2. Barbara Walters gave the bitch a tongue-lashing on-air today due to Star's complaining to People magazine and making herself out to be the sole victim of this entire situation

3. I have been WAITING forever for The View/ABC to can this overrated, "holier-than-thou" mega biotch from the airwaves. Her "I know everything in the whole entire damn world, and no one can disagree with me OR ELSE" attitude has driven me nuts for years. I honestly should have had a party yesterday when she announced the news. If I had had the ingredients in the house, I would have whipped up some fried chicken and Kool-Aid....stuff Ms. Jones had consumed before she *cough cough* magically shredded those pounds

4. Barbara Walters told the Associated Press that the reason ABC decided to can Mrs. Al Reynolds was that the ratings showed that viewers hated Starzilla due to her annoying discussions about her "miraculous" weight loss, her refusing to divulge the exact method she used, but still discussing the weight loss at great lengths, and her plugging endorsements on-air for various companies who PAID for her million dollar wedding

And the list goes on. Now, here's what I'm currently waiting for:

1. No one to offer Wheezy a new job

2. Al Reynolds to come out of the closet

3. A Jerry Springer/Maury Povich-like show-down between the gastric-bypass loving, former tv. personality vs. the rest of the hens on The View

4. Margaret Cho to replace dear Starlet. GO CHO!

Does anyone know of a good employment agency that I can register with? Preferably somewhere in Toronto or Mississauga.

Tonight I was watching Conan O'Brien interviewing rapper Ice-T. Now, I'm a fan of rap music, especially old school stuff, material from the underground, anything that shys away from the mainstream. So when I saw Ice-T walk onto the stage, I was excited to hear what the guy had to say, because I considered him to be a part of the list above. 2 minutes into the interview, I began to get extremely pissed off. Why? Because this guy started saying that pimping and pimp culture was a "cool" thing, and that he hangs out with pimps on a regular basis, calls them his friends, etc. He basically condones this lifestyle. This got me thinking about mainstream rap today, with artists (and I say that term loosely) such as Jay-Z and Fiddy Cent paying homage to this culture (songs such as "Big Pimpin" and "P.I.M.P." getting regular radio play, video play, and club spins). It scares me that kids today know all the lyrics to the songs without knowing what the Pimp lifestyle is really all about. I found this article that reinforces my disappointment with the state of rap music today. What this guy says totally makes sense. I wish all kids could read this:

http://www.globalblacknews.com/DuEwa.html

Every record executive, tv producer and radio producer who promotes this unhealthy message has a spot reserved for them in the flaming pits of hell.

So, my friend Jason sent me this link today.....it's an essay written by this guy named Peter....he wrote it in the year 2000, and for some reason, it ended up on the page of some guy's Livejournal 5 years later. If you want a good laugh, or a good excuse to shake your head, click on the link and read it. I'm taking a random guess that our friend Peter wasn't teacher's pet.

http://img20.photobucket.com/albums/v60/profmadhatter/nguyen1.jpg

OK, I'm getting really fed up with what I'm seeing nowadays. I walk into stores and glance at the magazine section, and lo and behold, there are dozens of magazines with women on the cover that have their ribs sticking out, or have NO ASS, or have legs that are the same width as my arms. I know that this is nothing new, but really, I just want to take all of those magazines into the bathroom with me and start using the covers as toilet paper. And then I want to put said magazine covers into large envelopes and mail them to the editors of each magazine. So they get the point.

Jennifer Aniston on the cover of GQ magazine this month is a classic example. I turn on the tv, and many many channels are talking about the "new GQ cover that has their first woman EVER on it", and it's stick figure "girl from next door" Jen. GROW AN ASS JEN! GROW AN ASS!

I'm going to go eat some chicken

The Sun UK has a collection of dumb celebrity quotes today......I read them and thought, "And THESE people get paid bajillions of money.....maybe if I dumb myself down, I too could be a millionaire? Yes? No?" :

Charlotte Church : "I love being in America." (while on stage in Toronto)

Jessica Simpson : "Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties."

Tom Cruise : "I love kids. I was a kid once, myself."

Paris Hilton : "I hate dead people."

Liam Gallagher(from Oasis) : "If I saw an alien, I'd tell it to fuck right off because whatever planet he came from they wouldn't have The Beatles of any decent fucking music."

Greg Norman (professional golfer): "I owe a lot to my parents - especially my mother and father.”

Alicia Silverstone : "I think the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

David Beckham (about his son, Brooklyn) : “We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion."